(Affairs as in things, matters and moments.. not marital issues.)
Every Friday by noon I have a TGIF high. I am daydreaming of our weekend and thinking of all the fun we will have. Then Saturday hits.
I don’t know what it is about Saturday mornings, but I have broken down four weekends in a row. I think it is the release from expectations. I think it is knowing my spouse is off work duty and can care for the kids, like my body knows it is now a safe time to let all the emotions crash.
Every Saturday it is different things; maybe it is my husband’s fault for 101 reasons that feel legit in the moment. But really, it’s grief. It is real life trauma weighing in to remind me “pandemicing” is hard.
Ugh. I did not want to write more about grief!
I wanted to write about all the funny things that happen around here, but I keep having this nudging that I cannot ignore. In fact, I have tried to avoid this blog since last Saturday.
I have a really smart friend that studies trauma for a living. She keeps reminding me that most of us are having really hard time and that we don’t all portray what is really going on inside of us. I guess like a mask. I don’t know if it is more of a Texan thing or a human thing, but we think emotions make us weak. It is vulnerable and scary. I have listened to just enough Brene Brown that I am pretty sure it is a human thing, but most of my circle is in Texas…so ask a professional.
Either way, it is comforting to know we are not alone. It is nice to know that others struggle too; Not like in “misery loves company” way, but in a validating, “you are doing hard things” kind of way.
In the event you are like me and you need to know that other badass women struggle, well here you go; This is hard, and you are not alone.